The internet can be like a virtual cruise club for gay, Takatāpui, bi and bicurious men in Aotearoa. Thousands of guys choose to hook up offline after messaging each other on sites like this.
What do you like?
Many guys will be looking for no strings sex and nothing else. Some will already have partners, male or female or both. Others want to find love with a boyfriend or a regular fuck buddy. Other guys will flirt and even say they want to meet up with you, but have no intention of doing so.
Your profile helps clarify boundaries and expectations
This is a good place to signal what you’re expecting and to say something about the kind of person you are. Mentioning safe sex (condoms for anal sex) is an excellent idea as well.
Profile tips
It’s better to say what or who you like rather than loading your profile with what or who you don’t like. That makes you seem bitter. For example:
Bitter: “Not into hairy or non-Euro guys, no offence.”
Better: “Really into guys with smooth, pale skin.”
Bitter: “No whites, sorry!”
Better: “More comfortable with other Māori guys.”
Bitter: “No fats or fems.”
Better: “Looking for slim, fit, masculine guys.”
Meeting up to hook up
In most cases it’s a simple matter of sorting out when and where and getting it on. Unfortunately things can happen that you don’t expect. He could be the man of your dreams, but you might not be his (or vice versa). Be prepared to handle rejection or the possibility of being disappointed. Remember, neither of you are obliged to do anything you don’t want to, no matter what you were expecting from each other.
• You don’t owe anyone sex
• Keep your options open
• When you hook up with someone for the first time, consider meeting in a public
place (like a bar or café) first to be on the safe side. You can always go
somewhere more private once you’ve met him and feel okay
• Set your own boundaries of how far is too far before you meet up
• Know how to answer “So what are you into?” – be clear and assertive
• Bring your trusted condoms and lube. If you are not planning to have anal sex,
take them anyway, just in case
• If sex toys are used make sure they have a new condom on them for each new
person (to ensure they’re clean)
• Group sex hook-ups are the most difficult to manage, especially if you’re a
newbie
• Plan how to get home.
If you don’t have a car, take enough money for a bus or taxi. It can pay to pre-plan an ‘excuse to leave’ in case you decide later you don’t want to be with that person.
“I hated every minute of it. I went to see a guy who I had never met before at his place. Once I arrived I regretted it. I wasn’t comfortable there, and it’s really hard to turn someone down once you have agreed online and fronted up.” Simon, 23.
Leave a trail
• Tell a mate what you’re up to
• Get a friend to call or text you to check you’re OK
• At the very least leave a note to let someone know when to expect you back.
Keep your valuables safe
Something that might happen is having valuables stolen. It’s not a good idea to carry extra cash, and if a guy comes to your place think about keeping your wallet and car keys out of sight. Your things (and the guy) could disappear while you’re showering or asleep.
Be vigilant when mixing party with play
A lot of guys use party/recreational drugs like Ecstasy (E, pills), Cannabis (marijuana, pot, dak), Amyl (poppers, aromas, rush), Cocaine (Coke, Charlie, Blow), GHB (Liquid ecstasy, GBH), Ketamine (K, Special K), Speed (Amphetamines), P (Crystal Meth, ice, rocks, tina), BZP, or legal party pills. Any of these need to be used with extreme vigilance as some of the side effects of mixing drugs and sex can be dangerous.
Be aware that these drugs often lower your inhibitions (making you more willing to take risks), give you a false sense of security and an altered sense of reality. Staying in control is the best form of risk reduction. And remember, drug use is never an excuse for not protecting your health and well-being during sex.
Don't mix Viagra with Amyl. This combination can potentially increase your heart rate to such a level that it could kill you, especially if you suffer from high blood pressure.
If you're an injecting drug user you definitely must avoid sharing needles with anyone. Sharing needles will greatly increase the risk of HIV and hepatitis C infection.
