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There seems to be more and more talk about guys not wanting to fuck with condoms. It's hard to know how true this is, but it's not unusual to hear about it, maybe guys are just talking about it more than they're doing it, but it's hard to say. You do seem to see a lot more guys using words like "clean" and "disease free" online. And we all know that no-one ever lies in their online profile, right? And hey, if you say you're "clean" does that mean someone with HIV is dirty?

Being clear in your own mind that you won't have unsafe sex, that you won't fuck or get fucked without a condom, is the best way to keep you free of HIV. And sometimes that means standing up to guys who have other ideas.

We all face pressure at times to have unsafe sex - well, any sexually active gay man does, that's for sure. Sometimes it comes from the other guy, sometimes from ourselves. Staying staunch with condom use isn't always easy, especially when some hot guy you want is pushing your buttons. Using a condom every time is the gold standard, it's the way to keep yourself safe, but once you start letting yourself make exceptions - "He looks healthy!" "He'd tell me if he was poz" "If I top I'll be fine" "He's too young to have HIV" - once you start doing that and stop putting them on automatically, it gets harder and harder to keep the habit up, and then your chances for getting infected go up and up. And even today, even with the new drugs, you really do not want to fuck up your life and get HIV.

And guys offer all sorts of reasons: "I was tested the other week and I'm fine." "It feels better." "Just this time baby, just this once." "Don't you trust me?" "If you really loved me..." "Yeah I'm poz but I'm fine, honest - look at me! I take my pills, you won't get it".

They're all bullshit - they're the sort of things horny guys say when they want to get laid and don't want to think about anything else. And they're dangerous bullshit, because none of those lines above are ever going to stop you getting infected. So what if he got a negative test result last week - who's he been with since then? Why does have it to be "Just once" this  time - how many other guys have you said that too before me right now? "It feels better"? Better than what? Better than taking drugs every day for the rest of your life and dealing with HIV? "Don't you trust me?" I just met you, why should I trust you?

And if he really loved you wouldn't he really want to take care of you? Since when does putting someone else at risk of getting HIV mean you love them?

Sometimes it's just silence. Some venues like saunas and fuck-clubs don't really encourage you to talk that much. Face it we're not usually great about talking about fucking anyway, it's not a topic most people grow up talking about in a relaxed natural way, so when you're getting hot and heavy in a dark cubicle with someone, maybe you've had a few drinks, maybe a smoke, maybe some amyl, having the head or the confidence to reach for the rubbers, or demand that he does, doesn't always come that easily to us. If a guy's blowing you in a dark room somewhere, and you're getting lost in the moment, it's not that hard for him to turn round and put you inside, and then you can be having unsafe sex without even knowing it. The same with fucking, it's not that hard to pretend to put on a rubber, or to put it on and then take it off later on, some guys do it. And if you find yourself in a group-sex situation, then it can be even more difficult to keep control and insist on keeping yourself safe.

So it pays to think ahead a bit, before you go out, maybe even try talking with some mates about it. If you're in a sauna or fuck-club, carry your condoms and lube openly so guys can see it - it sends out a signal about how you act and what you do. Put it in your online profile "Safe-Sex Only" and if someone asks you to make an exception, say no. If you start breaking the rules you set yourself once, then it gets easier to do it again later, and then that automatic habit of throwing a rubber on your cock stops being automatic, and you have a good chance of wkaing up HIV+ one day.

And remember: No matter how hot he is, this is not the last chance in your life to have a good fuck, but if you don't use condoms, it might be the last time you get to be HIV negative.