Coming Out - A Brother's Story

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I have always known that I was gay but did not know any thing about the gay world.  I was under the misconception that all gay people were camp, skinny and wanted to be women.  Moreover, this did not sit right with me when I thought of me being gay.  Little did I know that in the gay world there are as many different ways to be gay and to be happy about it, with out having to fall into some sort of straight homophobic ideal of being gay.

To this end, I decided to find out as much as I could about the whole scene.  The first thing I needed to do was to get some gay magazines and before your minds hit the gutter, I do not mean porno but the infamous “Out Magazine “. I read the thing cover to cover repeatedly as if I was trying to find myself in the pages but to no success.With in the pages there was one ray of hope the Auckland Lesbian Gay Centre now called Outline was looking for volunteers to work in the office, so I decided then and there that I would go down to the office and sign myself up.

  After 3 days of standing out side the building some times in the rain, trying to get up the courage to walk throw the doors I did and that’s when my gay experience started.

Through working on the front desk I knew that who ever walk through that door would think that I was gay, and that was what I needed at the time.  I need people to see me as being gay not a straight dumb rugby player as they did at school. I needed some thing more I needed people like me around me to grow and to see where it would take me.

Working for the Centre lead to the next big turning point in my life my first gay dance party.  It was at a small and run down looking hall on Grafton road, I was out in public with friends that I had meet from the centre this was the first place that when people asked me “ are you gay “ I could say to them with out feeling ashamed  “ YES I am”.  It felt so good in my heart to be able to do that.  This is the point at which I knew completely that I was out of the closet for good.

It was also at this dance party that I met two really good friends, that later little did I know would turn out to be as I like to call them my “Gay mother and father “.  They did not conform into the straight ideal of a marriage one could be dominant and then the other, depending on the circumstances.They showed me the practical side of what it was like to be in a loving longer-term gay relationship.

Through my entire coming out experience, I have come to understand some thing about who I am and where I fit into the scheme of things.  I have come to understand that I am happy to be gay and moreover that I am happy to be a Māori who happens to be gay.

This is my coming out story, to those people that are thinking about what to do or how to be. Maybe this will give you some ideas about how to approach the messy subject. If it does then great if it does not then here is some light reading thank you for your time and attention.