6 October 2010 (Sex and relationships)
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Do you love that feeling of lust, of horniness, when you see a guy and just get that "whoosh!" and even better, when you know he's feeling it about you too?
Religion and society teach us that lust is a sin, or something we must control carefully, and even if you're not religious, that message can get through - a lot of us just aren't all that comfortable at talking about what we like or don't like sexually. And that can make it harder to make the best decisions around what we do with each other and for ourselves.
But good sex, whether it's with a man we love and are going to spend the rest of our lives with, or a hot fuck with a stranger we won't see again, is a good thing. We should enjoy our bodies and what we can do with them, but that's not a message we hear every day.
If we can't talk comfortably about our cocks, arses, and the rest of our body and what we like to do with them, because we feel guilty or uncomfortable, we're probably not going to be able to talk about our sexual limits and concerns for our sexual health that easily either.
The better we feel about our bodies and what we do with them, the more confident we become about saying yes or no to stuff, and being clear and comfortable about our likes and dislikes and what gives us pleasure the easier it is to look after ourselves.
Gay men get a lot of guilt and fear thrown at us around what we do sexually. And when you add HIV into the mix it gets really difficult at times, it can be really hard to feel happy and good about what we do - sometimes it can feel like it's all bad and wrong.
Even though most of us know that having sex with another guy won't give us HIV if we're playing safe, that link in the mind can sit there and make us feel guilty and ashamed about what we do. Don't be - we have nothing to be ashamed of. Being able to talk easily about it helps though, but that takes some learning and practice for alot of us.
Feeling desire, whether it's your lust for another man, or his for you, or both together, is a very good thing - we don't need to apologise for it or be ashamed of it. It's positive and good for the mind and heart, as well as the body.
Making love, being intimate, getting down and dirty - these are things we should treasure and value, and we should respect and value the guys we get to do this with too. Feeling good about sex puts us in a healthy positive place, and if you're in a healthy positive place, you're more likely to make good decisions about what you do sexually.
It's amazing just how much fun you can have when you put your body together with another guy's. It's nothing to be ashamed of either - it's something to play with and explore and enjoy. Take pride in your fucking, and take care about how you do it - then we'll all feel good.
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