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So often when you talk to young gay guys, just coming out, or any young queers, they say that what they want is love, they want a boyfriend, or partner of whatever gender works for them.

Yet so often the gay world seems so focussed on sex, or the part of the gay world that we can see the easiest, the clubs, bars and fuck-clubs that make up the scene. And there's nothing wrong with sex - sex is fun, sex can be a hell of a lot of fun. But it's not the be-all and end-all of life. And being gay is really about loving other guys.

And there is that persistent myth of the lonely unloved homosexual out there - it's a depressing one, and it's not true.

You still hear people saying gay men can't really love each other, or that our relationships won't last, they're superficial, all sorts of stuff like that. And we get told that God doesn't like two guys getting together (if you believe in him).

But straight marriages that start in church can fall apart, couples who've been together raising kids and doing the whole house in the suburbs thing find their picture-book marriages don't last too.It seems a bit unfair to say that we're the ones who have problems and they don't.

There are actually loads of happily married gay couples out there, that have been together for decades and decades. The thing is, you don't get to see them so often: Once you are in a loving long-term relationship, your priorities change.

They've often reached a point in life where they don't need to hit the bars and clubs, they have each other and their circle of friends and family to hang out with. Would you want to stay out partying till 3 am if you had to get your kids to sports the next day? A lot of gay couples have kids - that's becoming more and more common these days, and it's great.

It's great that these men have their lives, and their love for each other. It's a shame we can't see them more easily though, because it is good to see that other guys showing you that yes, you can fall in love; yes, you can establish a solid loving relationship. Being gay doesn't mean you have to be alone, and is not just about fucking.

You might have to kiss a few frogs before finding your Prince Charming, and making a relationship last takes work from both sides, but don't let that scare you off. Some couples meet in bars, some at work or through friends, some just by luck in the supermarket or on the bus - you can't tell and you can't give a guarantee. Love is one of the great adventures of life, it's what they make movies about, sing songs about and write books about. Just because you're gay doesn't mean you can't have it too.