22 December 2009 (Sex and relationships, Lifestyle)
Regular sex is sometimes called vanilla by people who are into a range of more specialised, sometimes extreme, activities. If you ask gay and bisexual men what they're into, some reply anything except, scat, blood and pain. What guys actually mean is that they're willing to experiment and explore their fantasies and fetishes. But newbies to the world of heavy-duty sex can potentially go hog wild, want to try everything or attempt sexual acts that take time and skill to achieve without harm. What they will learn when they meet experienced players is that heavy duty sex involves rituals that act as ground rules, practical things that allow men's raunchiest fantasies to happen in a way that is safe, sane and consensual
SAFE
Each participant must be informed about any possible risks, both physically or psychologically. This includes a basic knowledge of hygiene and taking precautions so that STIs (including HIV) are not spread.
SANE
Acting rationally and not being out of control. Decisions are made carefully while sober and free from the influence of drugs.
CONSENSUAL
Heavy duty play is about intensity and pleasure, not abuse. All players must give full, informed and sober consent. Informed means knowing exactly what you are consenting to and knowing that you can change your mind if you don't like it.
Another important word is limits - what you know you'd like and, what you'd like to experiment with, and things that are definitely off-limits. Tops have limits as well as bottoms - how far they are prepared to go or things that bottoms want them to do that they don't find erotic. It's good for beginners to talk to others in person or online about their limits so that from a range of different activities they can find a specific place to start.
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