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Relationships between men are pretty common these days, and a lot of people can’t see any difference between themselves and a male/female couple of the same age.  In some ways they’re right, but there are important differences between how different our sexual cultures are from the mainstream.

If a single straight guy feels horny, his chances of some action on a week night (without having to pay for it) are slight.  But gay and bisexual men in New Zealand can visit sex-on-site venues, or hook-up on the internet.  Men who have sex with men are more likely to be in an open relationship, and sometimes can have boyfriends as well as fuckbuddies and casual sex partners.

Condoms and HIV

Men who have sex with men are by far the group most at risk from HIV in New Zealand.  In fact, men who have sex with men make up around 2.5% of the New Zealand population, but account for 79% of new HIV diagnoses between 2003-2007.  On average, 1 in 22 gay and bisexual men nationwide have HIV.  Not all of these will be aware of their status.

• 66% of men in long term relationships use condoms with their partners, and only use condoms 60% or the time with casual partners. 
• 66% of men use condoms with their long-term partner. 

Why is it with anal sex we don’t always use condoms consistently?  Is it because some men want to give sex with their boyfriend a special status by not having protected sex with him, but using protection for casual encounters and fuck-buddies?  Some men believe this creates a deeper intimacy with one man, but it in fact it can significantly increase the risk for both partners.  Some men with a partner who also have a fuckbuddy tend, over time, to stop using protection with either. 

53% of men with a boyfriend also have sex with someone else.

This isn’t an issue if the sex is protected, but obviously this isn’t always the case.  If a fuckbuddy has an unprotected relationship with you, how many other unprotected sexual partners does he have?

Men often make dodgy assumptions about whether their sexual partners are likely to have HIV.  They assume their partners will tell them if they know they are HIV positive, but it’s not that easy.  Some men might not have tested recently, or never tested at all.  Similarly, many men assume their partner would tell them if they’d “slipped up”.  But, think of how difficult it would be to admit, and why it might be difficult for him. 

Men with a  primary partner as well as casual partners / fuckbuddies risk taking home more than they bargained for.  Using condoms consistently for anal sex, and having regular check-ups for HIV and other STIs (as they make you more vulnerable to HIV) means you don’t have to worry about putting your partner at risk.