6 September 2010 ()
Dear Sexpert. OK serious question. I'm normally a top, but my boyfriend is putting on the guilts and telling me I have to bottom for him. I wish I could bottom but it feels horrible every time I try it. I feel sorry for him and I want to be proactive about it, so I'm considering getting a butt plug. My question is: Do people really use butt plugs to loosen up their ass-holes? Like, do people really walk around with butt plugs up their ass-holes all day to work etc so that they're loose when you try stick a penis up there? He says they do. Am I like the most gullable person ever or is this true? Surely you can tell if someone is wearing a butt plug to work, can't you *looks around*? I wonder if that's why so many people on Ponsonby road look like they've got carrots stuck up their asses?
First of all, you should never feel pressured into having any kind of sex. Being a bottom is not for everyone and is something that can take time and practice to get used to. You shouldn’t rush anal sex as you can hurt yourself, or damage the very sensitive fragile tissue around the anus.
It is true that some people walk around with butt plugs up their ass though this is more of a fetish, than a way of loosening up the ass. Many enjoy both the physical sensation as well as the thrill of people around them not knowing.
In case you don’t have a butt plug handy, there are many other ways of relaxing the anus so that it is receptive to objects. Loads of foreplay such as kissing and sucking will help you to relax. Stimulating your ass with a well lubed finger is a good start. Try doing this in a warm shower when you're starting off. Remember to always use plenty of water-based or synthetic lube as the anus is very sensitive. Work up to two or three fingers until you get used to the sensation.
It is important that before you get fucked that you have been to the toilet (number 2’s), douching can also help. When you first start to get fucked you will again need to use plenty of lube (and a condom!), and make sure the guy fucking you understands that this is a new sensation for you. Take your time and feel confident to say stop at any time. This might take some practice to get used to as often when you first start getting fucked, your body is getting used to the sensation and recognises this as needing to take a shit. This sensation will pass but you need to relax – try breathing through the sensation.
You can try experimenting with a dildo (start small) if you feel unsure about it. This can be a good way to get used to having something go in and out of your ass. If you feel up to it, you can ask your partner to play with you. Remember not to share dildos without putting a condom over them and changing the condom for each partner.
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